Sean 的个人资料It's all full of me!!照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
It's all full of me!!I miss you all,my friends,my family,and the way my life should be! 8月21日 Chapter One: Hand In Hand,Never Go BackChapter One: Hand in Hand, Never Go Back“Would you like to give me your hand and let me hold you?” I asked, “Yes, I do.” She answered.
“ Yes I Do”---Just three simple words, however, for me, they means more and more…
When I caught the first sight of you in Chengdu on the afternoon of 5th August,there was a voice appeared in the deepest bottom of my heart, “Sean, this is the girl who you want, take her hands, come on! Or you will be regreted for the whole life!” However, I didn’t have the courage to hold your hands when I heard you’d owned a boyfriend.
“ Let her pass you by??” I asked myself.
“ NEVER!!!!!”
SO, thanks to the short messages, I took your hands, and didn’t care anything but loving you!!
When you squeezed your pretty eyes on me, I squeezed you back too; When you took my hands, I took you tidely too; When you smsed me and told me felt unhappy, I did have a sad mood too; When you said you missed me, I missed you so much too; When you whispered you love me in my ear, I couldn’t help kissing you and sealing your mouth with mine to stop you saying any other word, because I love you too!!!
You always say that, “ Oh you are too sick and always toooooo close to me just like sticking yourself on me~~”, however, I told you and whispered million and mollion times, that I do cherish every moment of staying with you, holding you tight in my arms, which is the happiest period time to me, because I can throw all the boring stuffs out of the window, just enjoying the precious peace of being with MY LOVE. I always wish that the time could be stopped, then no pressures of the life, no worry to the future, no caring of the others’ wicky eyelights, even no the whole wide world, just YOU and ME!!!
Sometimes I think to myself, why did I fall in love with you??Why did I rush on the road to your arms without any hesitence, though I could fingered out your situation very clearily??? Hehe,a puzzle, isn’t it? A love puzzle,absolutely!!!! Someone said that: “ Women are the worest idiots when they are falling in love!” In my opinion, it also works to the men who are falling in love river, just like me, and what the worse is, I didn’t stumple and fall in the love river, I emerged!!!!!
You told me that you would handle all the fucking stuffs, and you would let me hold your hands to the unknown future. Well, I wish you could, I do wish you could!!!
My Baby, Hand in Hand, Never Go Back, ok?? Guai Guai Ma!!!!I do believe that they works to both of us!!! :D
Just remember with your heart,Hand in Hand, Never Go Back!!!
To be continued…
Sean 07.08.21. 4月22日 ~~~~:)How time flies!! Well,I know it is the very boring starting words like those countless boring so-called fairy tales which looks like written for the ignorcent children but actually exporing the darkest side of the fucking sick adults. However, anyway, that's the point,how time flies!! There are lots of feelings and words which meant to be written down, but due to my growing laziness, all of the "should dos" are just the bullshit!!
Ok, rewind it back, and let me start with a girl who is fresh to me. She said she was a very very weird girl and she was from out of the earth. So, I named her L.A.(Little Alien) without asking for her admissionfirst,but it still works well, no complains, no angriness. Maybe she's just numb about the name. In my opinion, that's a good news to me. It means I can name her Likin Girl or Sleeping God or anything else, of cause, if she's not feeling bad about it. ( A Big Grin!) I'm little bad,ain't I? ( A Bigger Grin!!!)
Talking about L.A., well, actually, i just know little about her, and the most of the "little" are relied on the introduction of Miss Yang, my classmate i highschool and her best friend in college. And Miss Yang is the person who makes L.A. and me known each other, so thank you thank you thank you, you are far too kind, Miss Yang!!
According to M,Y.,L.A. is a PP girl( Pretty & Pretty,comparing to the Chinese, the same, isn't it? I do have a bright brain!! Hehe!!) and a ignocent child, and a true friend, and the most surprising, a crazy Linkin Park fan. You know, it is very hard and amazing to find a friend who loves rock, especially a girl!!!!She is the whole blank paper to me!!!!
By the way, she's mine now~~~~So, hi, I'm Sean!!!And I won't let you down, my lady!!!Kiss!!!
Sean,
07.04.22 11月19日 Am I under the weather?? Am I Under The Weather???
Recently I've found I might be having trouble concentrating on the different things in my life, such as the CET6 exam, the study of russian, and the active attitude to the life. In my opinion, I'd likely get some kinda mental illness. The more I feel about boring with the current situation, the less people I can find to make him know a thing or two about my problems.Serious speaking, I've never ever given upon the idea of QUIT, however, I have no idea about whether it is a correct or approprite option on the answer sheet of my life road. Some people said that I would be to selfish if I chose that track, while the other suggested that I needed to stay with the so-called college life til the gratuation. Therefore, Am I going to win a perect life or some kinda great advantages which others will envy me?? Hehe, don't you think it's a not bad way of living just for showing the others I've always obeying the so-called traditional good customs to be a so-called successful man??? NO!!! It's no use to be like that!!!! I'm waiting, waiting for the right time, or the correct oppertunity, and once it comes, I will show all of the people that I am Sean Shen, and I am original, who can not be replaced by anyone!!! As for Ann, I'm angry with her, while missing her the same time. I can't get her out of my head. There seems to exist some kinda magical materials to remind me of anything she did to me, no matter which is right or wrong.Actually, there is not a single thing or two which is right or wrong. It is just due to the different cultures and different customs to follow. So a lot of missing, missing the tender,and little angry,angry with the ignorance. As far as I know, I am stern-minded, and I won't let you slip from me, Yujian, because God made us YUJIAN each other to tell me "Sean, I've sent her to you, and you know what the next step is, don't you?". Stay there still and wait for my coming, I will create the chance,though you said there was not a bit of chance. One more thing, Ann, Yesterday I read that the great Zhou En Lai Zong Li had been to Novosibrik in the 60s, which makes me love Novosibrik more!!! Xin Bi Er Si Ke is the old chinese name of Novosibrik,very lovely and interesting, isn't it?? :) OK, Walking on the unsure road again, with the unsure conrage!!! Sean,
17/10/2006 11:04PM 9月24日 too many words to speak out~~~A Good Day or A Bad Day?
Today I've seen Ann, and chated with her for about 2 hours. That was a really really lovely period of time for me. We talked a lot, almost concluding everything. However, on the way back to the academy, she told me that she had no feeling on me, and we are just friends. That's it! It reminded me the song Ordinary Friend sang by David Tao when I saw the words sent by the signal: Dang Ni Shuo I...I only wanna be your friend, Zuo Ge Peng You.Wo Zai...Ni Xin Zhong Zhi Shi just a friend, Bu Shi Qing Ren. Wo Gan Ji Ni Dui Wo Zhe Yang De Tan Bai,Dan Wo Gei Ni De Ai Que Zan Shi Shou Bu Hui Lai. So I...Wo Bu Neng Zhi Shi be your friend!! Yeah, That's right, I can not just be your friend!!!
Sean, 09/7/2006 10:56PM
To Write Down The Ponescript of Yesterday
Yesterday I've almost forgotten to write down this important info: June 25th is the birthday of Novosibirsk, my Bao Bei Ann's home town. Well, I find that I began to know her step by step, and that's a good news to me, isn't it? The day of Her arriving is coming soon, so I also begin to miss her day by day!! Looking forward to her arriving indeed!!
Yours in the evident hasty, Sean
A Not Bad Day Today I went to the internet cafe at the hot noon, and got the mail from Ann, through it is almost the original CAFE, or even just a place where there are lots of abandoned computers connected with the internet!!! Anyway, I finally get Ann's mail, so everything for me is worthy! From her words, I know she's great~~Hehe, a very good news to me!! Recently I find that she can effect my behavior, my mood, even my goal to the life, through she has not a little aware of it, so weird and so magic, isn't it? Not as to her, even I am surprised by myself! Do I really fall in love with her???? I have got no idea, but who can tell me??? Maybe the only one who can is Ann!!! Oh my god, sometimes I even think about marrying her!!! How could I think about like that??? I must be crazy! Ann, please please come here more and more quickly!!! I can't wait any more!!! I wanna go to the canival and the expo hand in hand with you, screaming together on the top of the space rader, snapping together on the wooden floating bed, and kissing in the air of love!!! I think I do fall in love with this special russian girl who bumped into my life suddenly! Will she change my future a lot?? Who knows? I'm sure the best way is let it be what it is gonna be, right?? Let time certify whether we are the one for each other in fate!!! Time will tell everything!! God bless me, A-men!!
Comfused with the sudden LOVE, Sean 25/6/2006 11:01PM 27/6/2006 11:12PM
I'm a LUCKY dog, right?Really?
Well, listening to the gorgeous voice of the Cranberries mururing the song called Dying In The Sun, I cannot help thinking about one confusing question, AM I A LUCKY DOG? I know I am the DOG, even a little, in some persons' eyes, who owns a great family, so-called PERFECT ENGLISH(I know it's far from PERFECT), some kinda money, the so-so ability to dance,to sing and to show, the streetball playing, a lot of good friends, no matter who are natives or foreigners,and so on. Yeah, from the reasons above, I am the hell dog, at least conparing with the other poor boys. But do they understand I'm living a life which means nothing to me but wasting the precious time? Do they undertand there are a lot of differences between two people, even they are the alike twins, who have different opinions to life, different goals to achieve, different miracles to work out, and different persons to wait for and belong to? Do they understand it is pretty stupid to force his own feeling to the others, and the biggest life tradegy is having no crange to pursue his dream, while he has to give up something else? I don't think so. What impresses me more and more with the flowing of time here is that every one on this campus is living under masks, which seem very sun-shining, gorgeous(I perfer this lovely word more and more), healthy and smiling, making people believe that this is a wonderland, but you can see the tired, tearing, sophesticated, REAL face at the dark night, while he is facing at the dark sky, thinking about his future, the helpless future. The face is so clear, heart breaking, and hopeless, making every one drop the precious men's tears, as the chilling wind scratches over the body, which makes the pain exposed without walls and drilled into the core of the bones, over and over again...
I'm always trying to find the track of the time,however, when I know the time has forgotten me completely, I'm drowning in the endless teardrops...
As to the lost 100 yuan, the handed-in cell phone, and the coming punish, well, I don't know how to discribe the present emotion, it's just like a stone used to be in the mid-air plunged to the earth, without little nerveous,even with some kinda happy. What a weird man I am!! I'm sure that I am the one who hates the rules completely, even under my skins!!!I am born to be the man of anti-rules!! LOL How fucking happy I am today!!!
Ann is coming soon. Whenever I'm aware of this point, I start out to have the strenth to walk on the unknown road again. Is this the affection? Or the LOVE?? I have no idea at all. Standing in front of her, I'm just like a child who doesn't how to talk, how to act,and how to show my feeling in the right way and the right moment... Anyway, she is coming, and let's see what will happen. I wish it would a very romantic story!
With complicated and weird even little abnormal mood, Sean 6/19/2006 11:24PM
Random words along with the unsteady heart!!! As the title is, the words and the sentences in this article are not logical at all, but so what?? Who cares?? From the very beginning I have decided just to have a easy chat with myself! Get away, the hell traditional STANDARD article, which are prosite to the hell exams, not to me!
Nowadays, I've been always thinking about the puzzle: What should I do? Which way is the best for me? How can I find out the way? These puzzles might be around me for a long time, I know, and they are all very basical to me, especially in this special period. I do not wanna stay here more than one minute, but the hugest problem comfronted of me is where should I go to find my way? The pubs? The Hotels? Or even the construction bases? Everyting seems so untouchably smoky but also very concrete like the invisible wall, which makes me confused so much. Anyway, if the chance comes, I'm gonna seize it and won't let it slip, I swear here, throgh at present I still have not owned a clear concept of the CHANCE in my mind.
Another huge problem in my life is Ann, which even might be a surprise to myself. Tragically, the more effects I make on her, the far she seems to be from me. To be honestly, I've never anticipated that she will be so important to me, never before, and the attitude she has to me is keeping changing, the worse is, for the right side to the other side, the side which I don't want to be. She is the most inpendent girl I ever met, who is a lot of difference from such girls pretending to very TAME to their boyfriends, just showing the gorgeous, delicated, and sophesticated masks to their lovers, meanwhile cheating on them, as from the kinda strictest view. They are not the model of my dream-girl should be. But Ann, how to say, she is very outstanding and very matchful to me, from some kinda views. Well, she is so unique to me, and so beautiful. I love the personality she has, the way she treats things, and in-futrue advantages and disadvantages. God, please help me not to pass Ann, I know she is the Angel sent from you to me. You want me to own the ticket to the happiness, don't you? A-men! She's coming, she's coming, you know, she's coming. give me your precious hand, please, please!!
Very late now, and I'm not gonna burn the midnight oil just for the CET-4, because it doesn't worth. Stop it by here and continue the kinda weird chat with myself the next everning.
Ann, try to dream of me as I'm doing every night.
Running but without the direction, Sean, 6/12/2006 11:32 PM Where should I go?? How can I find my way??
These are so much I wanna say, but I don't know how to say, whom to say.
Well, how to start. These's so much I hear and see about the stuff of the military army and working and living in the army. I don't know whether what I hear and see are wrong or just a spot of leaves, however, they have just certified my determination on ESCAPING from the Army!!!
Well, on this point, my mom and dad and other relatives have always told me that I can choose stay away from it when I graduate and get a job in the roots, but is it really the right way, or the only correct way, which I have to go??? I don't think so. Why can't I find a job, which even is not very dencent in others' eyes, as long as I prefer it??? Why can't I live in my own way and let my beauty come out and let my color fill my little sky?? I just wanna own my little sky, my little world!!
What is what I want? Maybe it depends on the situation, or maybe it will keep in changing. But SO WHAT?? there's one thing I'm always aware of which is that whatever I want is, I will stick to it with no doubts!!! And what I want is what I am trying my best to achieve and breaking my back!! Now I just wanna stay away from this fucking college, find a job, own some kinda experience, then apply for the Cornell University, which is my dream place!!! And another dream which should have been mentioned is, I wanna be with Ann, who I have the special feeling on, from the first glance!! Well, I know that being with Anna forever seems to be a very very unreal thing, also I know Anna and I havn't aware of each other enough to the point of talking about staying with each other for a lifetime in variety of aspects, as what Ann said before, But, Yu jian, you know,all I said to you is my true words from the bottom of my heart, I am also doing my best to avoid to pass you by, and you will see that I am the one who is worthy to lean your whole life on!! I swear here!! I am!!! Please trust on me!!
In a word, now my mind is very complicated and complex, hard to follow and understand. What I wanna say and shout out the whole world is I have to be strong for my present family and my forture one, and I have to be excellent enough for catching Anna's heart, which is very peculiar and weird for me, seen from the present situation. Every one on the earth is equal, why some friends of mine can have a successful life while I can't?? I won't give up, or even give in a bit!!!
God, please give me the precious chance to choose my whole life and hew out the mountain of despair a stone of hope!! It's the time to make the decision!!! Bless me, A-men!!!!
Confussedly, Sean 5/20/2006 12:36AM 2月20日 Moving on ahead~~~ Now i'm in Beijing,the capital of China,which is a lot of people's favorate city,but not mine~~And I'll get on the train to Shenyang on 10:15pm tonight~~~I do not wanna get back there,where means nothing to me but I have to stuck in there for something~~For What?? I don't know~~For the Chance of being alive,my dad told me before~~Maybe yes,Maybe no~~Well,my dad once told me that,YOU ARE TOO PROUND!!is it true??I also have no idea,Maybe yes,Maybe no~~I think I am just a little ideal,never give up my dream,though it seems unreal right now~~I do believe I'm not for the military officer,that's not my way~~And I believe that when you finally find your way,you can let your lighting come out and let your color fill the sky~~All I need is Time~Come on,Sean,you will find your way!!
I wanna be the guy who can keep the storm away from my family,while sending my deepest love to my sweet heart~~I wanna be, and I will try hard to be~~
Now I'm listening to the song J'en Ai Marre(I'm a little bored),by Alizee.Yeah, frankly,I'm really a little bored,for the complicated relationship between persons,for the fucking military college klife,for a lot of things~~lol Anyway,who can always be happy??i know Who can,the
guy who is the lunatic!!Do you agree with me??However,in my opinion,just cherish the people who you love,and don't care about more material things,everything is fine~~I know,I will be happy,won't I,my Yu Jian?you will, too!!!
Ya tebya ljubju!!
Sean
06.02.20. 04:17pm
2月1日 Just wanna remember something! Yesterday has just passed by, and there's one day flowed out of my life.I am one year older, becourse I was 19 from yesterday!!!
I made a party last afternoon, my friends and I went to the KTV for having fun, it was so great that we gathered together after half a year of going our own ways and lifes,and had a break!We all have changed, and have been carved the trace of the lives!!We are growing,growing up and old,is it a good thing,or not??Who knows!!Sometimes you wanna stay in the hood of fighting just for you were refused to borrow a used pencil, sometimes you wanna grow up as soon as possible so that you can do a lot of things which can make everyone satisfied!However, one day ,when you have really grown up, you will find that,you can never ever be a perfect apple!!!
To my Yu Jian, well, it's so great that I could be with you when my birthday came,and thank you for your "homemade" birthday card,which was very very very warming for my heart!!You really drive me crazy, all becourse of thinking of you!!!
At last,say that again:Happy birthday to me!!Whatever, it only comes once a year,or once a life time!
Sean
9月4日 I don't wanna leave home~~~I hate my school!!Tomorrow I will start my trip back to the shit college.Oh I hate it so much!!!!!!!!!!It seems to be a jail to me.There are so many stupid laws,so many stupid people there.I even don't know where my future is!!Living in the army???NONONO.That's not my way to go!!!!!!
Yesterday I got the reply from Cornell,they said they couldn't be of more help, if I can't provide the SAT exam... However, I am still trying to persuade them. Anyway, I won't give up,no matter how much difficulties I will encounter!!!
I'm planing to visit Anna in the winter vacation for about one week. I don't know whether it will come ture or not.The most troubling thing is not the money,but my identity. I wish I could go,and make more communication with Anna. She is right,"we need more communication,not just on the internet". I know,she is the girl that I need,for no reason,just by my intuition!!
Now I'm listening to the song"Dying In the Sun".I'm a guy who is very sensitive to music. hehe~~ Like dying in the sun ,Like dying in the sun ,Like dying in the sun, Like dying... |
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